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Monday, December 31, 2007

DIET RULES FOR CHEATERS(Unknown)

•If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

• If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

• When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

• Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

• If you fatten up everyone else around you,

• Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

• Cookie pieces contain no fat — the process of breaking causes fat leakage.

• Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.

• Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate.NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

• Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and popsicles.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Top Ten Reasons Women Prefer Guns Over Men

The Top Ten Reasons Women Prefer Guns Over Men

10. A gun doesn't mind if you stop and ask for directions.

9. A gun doesn't ever reek of beer or cigars

8. A gun won't pout if you have a headache.

7. A gun always enjoys going out with you and will never ask “Do we have to go there again?”

6. You can buy fancy new grips for your gun and it won't complain about how they look or fit.

5. A gun doesn’t leave dirty socks or underwear in a pile next to the hamper.

4. A gun doesn't come with an ex-wife or a mother.

3. Guns never have comb-overs, beer bellies, or rear cleavage.

2. A gun will never ignore you in favor of watching sports.

AND THE TOP REASON.....

1. Guns don't hog the TV remote!

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